My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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