oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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