You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize