Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
