When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
