don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
