he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
