Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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