I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
