I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
