Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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