He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Randomize
