I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
