Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
