She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
