I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
