Those balls look pretty dangerous.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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