I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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