...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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