went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
