Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the day after is always just damage control
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
