I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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