im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I want to have your abortion
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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