Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
