guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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