i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
