I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
My vagina is very pro this idea
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