What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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