Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
