I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
