He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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