Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just gargled with NyQuil
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
