I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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