She went from zero to smokin in five shots
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
