just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
