Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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