I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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