I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
