i think my tv is drunk
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
