I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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