Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
