She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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