why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
