I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
