Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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