first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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