You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
