i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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