piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
