I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
