Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize