At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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