Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
