That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
