We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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