a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
