I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
