i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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