All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
