Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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