if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize