tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize