I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
