I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
