Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
