Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize