Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
