Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
handjob tips. give me some.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Sorry my hands just texted you
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
