I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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