see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize